Chapter 59: Silver Soul (Earth Arc)

Watching the black octopus fighting bravely at the very front, Takeko Okakura gripped her spiked club tightly with her uninjured left hand.

There was no way she would lose to an octopus!

“So strong! Whether it’s a woman or an octopus, they’re both ridiculously powerful!” The ronin screamed in terror and fled.

By the time all the ronin had been thoroughly beaten, the police finally arrived.

Octopus Gin immediately dropped his knife—he was just an octopus now, after all, and knew nothing about anything!

After shrinking her spiked club and putting it away, Takeko Okakura couldn’t help but collapse onto the ground. Her right hand was completely immobile, and had just received several new cuts from the ronin—it truly felt like it was on the verge of being ruined.

At that moment, Octopus Gin slowly crawled to her side, but seemed too embarrassed to meet her eyes.

“What’s this, Gin-san, are you worried about me?” Takeko Okakura asked with a smile.

At once, Octopus Gin turned his head away.

“Haha, Gin-san, you’re much more honest as an octopus than you are otherwise—ow, that hurts!” Takeko laughed too hard and pulled at her wounds.

Octopus Gin spread out his tentacles in a helpless gesture, then crawled over and patted her shoulder.

“Huh? What are you—?!” Takeko Okakura cried out in surprise as the octopus wrapped his tentacles around her and lifted her up.

The octopus stared at her with those lazy, dead-fish eyes, as if announcing that she should be grateful his lordship was carrying her.

“…Takeko Okakura was speechless.

As expected, this useless guy was much more aggravating once he returned to being human!

At that moment, the ambulance finally arrived. Octopus Gin, still carrying Takeko Okakura, made his way to the ambulance. The nurses and doctors stared in shock when they saw him.

“Why is there an octopus here?” a doctor asked in bewilderment.

Ignoring the doctor’s confusion, Octopus Gin climbed into the ambulance with Takeko Okakura in his tentacles, then gently placed her on the stretcher.

He settled at her bedside, tilting his octopus head to look at the doctors, as if to say, “Don’t just stand there—get to work.”

Strangely, the doctors found themselves unable to resist the commanding gaze of this octopus and quickly began tending to Takeko Okakura’s wounds.

A nurse carefully cut open her sleeve, revealing her right arm—gruesome and battered.

“These wounds are serious—several of these cuts are deep enough to show bone,” the nurses murmured as they began cleaning her injuries.

Lying on the stretcher, Takeko Okakura watched the ceiling lights flicker overhead, then glanced at the octopus beside her. For a moment, she felt a long-lost sense of security, and slowly, she drifted off to sleep.

Octopus Gin sat quietly by her side, watching her, and remained there all the way to the hospital.

Once there, Takeko Okakura was rushed into surgery, while Octopus Gin waited outside on a chair. Nurses and doctors passing by couldn’t help but stare at the sight—what was an octopus doing outside the operating room?

Suddenly, as if remembering something, the octopus crawled off his chair and looked up and down the corridor.

“Ow, my hemorrhoids are acting up again. Looks like I really can’t eat hot pot while reading Jump anymore. And to think the hospital toilets aren’t even equipped with bidet seats—how inconsiderate for patients like us,” a man muttered as he shuffled out of the restroom, rubbing his backside. His bangs hung over his eyes, and he was none other than Gintoki’s old acquaintance, the hemorrhoid ninja Hattori Hanzo.

The octopus’s eyes lit up. He scuttled over and grabbed Hattori with a tentacle.

“Huh?! What’s an octopus doing in the hospital? No, why is this octopus grabbing me? Hey, let go!” Hattori shouted.

But the octopus held him firmly and quickly dragged him to the public phone, producing a slip of paper from somewhere.

[Call this number for me. Ask for the four-eyed guy from the Shinsengumi Dojo.] the note read.

“Why should I do that for you? This is absurd,” Hattori grumbled, trying to edge away.

The octopus seized him again with a tentacle, and Hattori caught a sly glint in the creature’s eyes.

[I know a friend who just happens to run a very special kind of establishment—every woman there is exceptionally ugly~.]

Hattori froze, then quickly caught on.

“All right, give me the number. I’ll call. But you have to tell me your friend’s address,” he replied eagerly.

The octopus could only sigh inwardly—this guy’s tastes were truly hopeless!

One minute later, Hattori dialed the dojo. Otae answered.

“Hello, who’s calling?” she asked warmly. Just from her voice, one could imagine she must be gentle as well.

“Hello, is there a four-eyes there?” Hattori inquired.

“Four-eyes? Oh, you must mean Shin-chan,” the girl’s voice moved away from the receiver: “Shin-chan, someone’s calling for you!”

Footsteps sounded, then Shinpachi’s voice came on: “Weird, who’d call for me so late? Hello, this is Shinpachi Shimura. May I ask what this is about?”

Shinpachi Shimura? Hattori felt the name was familiar, but couldn’t quite place it (such is Shinpachi’s presence…).

Octopus Gin flashed another note, prompting Hattori to read aloud.

“Um, hello, this is Hattori Hanzo. Someone—no, an octopus asked me to call you.”

“An octopus?” Shinpachi was puzzled for a moment, then realization struck—could it be that octopus?...

“Ah, you’re still there? The octopus wants me to tell you: ‘This is Gin-san. Shinpachi, hurry and bring a box of strawberry milk to the Edo General Hospital to see me—right now! Otherwise, I might be forced to tell your sister about all those little secrets you’ve hidden under your bed.’ Wait—Gin-san? That name sounds familiar…” Hattori mused, but on the other end, Shinpachi was already shouting.

“You bastard! How do you know about what I keep under my bed—wait, is this how you ask someone for a favor? And why do I have to bring a box of strawberry milk to the hospital for you?!”

Hattori had to hold the phone away—the yelling was deafening.

“Ah, the octopus has another message: ‘Shinpachi, are you really not afraid I’ll tell your sister? Tsk tsk, if she finds out her adorable little brother is actually so depraved and filthy, she’ll cry for sure.’ I suppose, if a sister found out her brother was looking at those ○○ magazines, she’d have no choice but to make konjac in silence…” Hattori added his own commentary.

“What do you people know about me?! And why would my sister be making konjac while crying—stop making up stories about my sister!” Shinpachi exclaimed.

“Shin-chan? What’s wrong?” Otae’s surprised voice came from the receiver.

“It’s nothing, sis,” Shinpachi forced himself to sound calm. “Tell the octopus to wait for me at the hospital. I’ll be right there.” He hung up immediately.

Hattori returned the phone to its cradle and glanced at the black octopus before him. The dead-fish eyes were so familiar—one could see the uselessness emanating from them.

“Ah—it’s you! The Odd Jobs guy!” He finally remembered. This was the silver-haired samurai that Sarutobi was obsessed with, the one he’d even fought over Jump with. But why was he an octopus now?

“How did you end up like this? Bitten by some mysterious red octopus or something?” Hattori asked.

The octopus flashed another note: [What kind of superhero scenario is that? Gin-san didn’t turn into an octopus for such a reason—I have more important things to do.] With that, the octopus prepared to leave.

“Wait, what about that shop full of ugly women you mentioned?” Hattori called after him.

The octopus tossed him a pink business card. Hattori caught it and looked down—it featured a woman whose ugliness was truly unique, but…

“Ka…Cross-dresser Club?! I like women, not drag queens, you bastard!” Hattori shouted, throwing the card to the floor, where the card bearing Higashi Beauty’s face was promptly discarded.

Meanwhile, when Gintoki returned to the operating room, Takeko Okakura’s surgery was finished and she was wheeled out—still unconscious.

The hospital had arranged a private room just for her, and Octopus Gin followed the nurse inside.

After the nurses left, Octopus Gin climbed onto the chair by her bed and silently watched her sleeping face, lost in thought.

Bang! The door flew open as Shinpachi and Kagura burst in, followed by Otae.

“Gin-chan! Eh? Wait, aren’t you the one in the hospital? Oh, right, if you’re an octopus, you should be in a pet hospital,” Kagura said, looking toward the bed. “So it’s Takeko this time? How unlucky! Gin-chan, you must have passed your bad luck onto her, aruu.”

A vein throbbed on the octopus’s forehead. He flashed a note in protest: [You cheeky brat! Do you want me to be hospitalized that badly? And don’t make me out to be some sort of plague god!]

“Well, Gin-san, sometimes you really are like a plague god,” Shinpachi deadpanned.

“Gin-san, is Takeko going to be okay?” Otae asked, worried. She and Takeko had met many times and got along quite well.

[Don’t worry. This woman is as tough as Godzilla—nothing can take her down that easily.] Octopus Gin replied with his sign.

“Gin-san, you know, you’re starting to overlap with a certain character’s setting from Gintama itself!” Shinpachi commented.

[Hah? Why worry about such trivia? Overlapping settings? Gorilla-sensei has already parodied Konomi-sensei, Toriyama-sensei, Kubo-sensei, Oda-sensei—now he’s just recycling his own characters. It’s nothing worth mentioning.] The octopus shamelessly declared.

“Nothing worth mentioning?! Do you know how hard the editors have to work apologizing to all those sensei because of you?” Shinpachi shouted.

“Four-Eyes, you’re too loud. Don’t disturb the patient’s rest,” Kagura said disdainfully.

“Why is it always me?!” Shinpachi protested, but his voice softened.

At that moment, the octopus raised another sign.

[Shinpachi, where’s the box of strawberry milk I asked you to bring?]

Shinpachi exploded: “You’re not even the one in the hospital! How can you demand strawberry milk so shamelessly?!”

[Oh, really? Aren’t you afraid I’ll tell your sister about your little secrets?] The octopus’s eyes curved into a sly arc.

“Shin-chan’s secret? Shin-chan, is there something you’re hiding from me?” Otae asked with suspicion.

“No! Of course not, sis, don’t listen to this useless octopus! There’s nothing,” Shinpachi insisted, flustered.

[Actually, Shinpachi has a lot of hidden things under his bed—] The octopus had barely raised his sign before Shinpachi ripped it away and stomped on it.

“There’s nothing, sis! Please believe me!” Even so, his eyes flickered uneasily behind his glasses.

“I see…” Otae said softly, clearly unconvinced.

Just then, Takeko Okakura woke up. As soon as she opened her eyes, she saw the room full of people.

“Huh? Why are you all here?” she asked in surprise.

“Takeko, you’re awake! That’s great, aru!” Kagura cheered and pounced on her.

“I’m fine, Kagura. Otae, Shinpachi, thank you for coming,” Takeko said with a smile.

“It’s nothing—after all, we’re friends,” Otae replied with a gentle smile. Bathed in the soft light, for a moment Takeko felt as if a thousand rays shone from behind her.

…Suddenly, Takeko understood why Chief Kondo, who always stalked Otae, saw her as a living bodhisattva—she truly did radiate light.

“That’s right, Miss Okakura! Miss Otae is so charming! That smile you just showed for your friend was beautiful!” Kondo suddenly emerged from under the bed.

Takeko jumped in fright—when had this stalker hidden there? His stealth skills were truly top-notch!

Wait, why was she complimenting this perverted gorilla? And why could he hear her inner thoughts?!

“Oh dear, did the zoo forget to lock its gates again today? As a good citizen of Edo, it’s my duty to clean up society’s filth!” With that, Otae launched herself at the gorilla, pummeling him mercilessly.

…Takeko Okakura reflected that, indeed, the gorilla would always be Otae’s trigger point.

“You lot! Stop making a racket in the patient’s room—you’re disturbing her rest!” Suddenly, a matronly nurse appeared, shouting at them.

Frankly, nurse, your voice is just as loud as theirs…

After a thorough scolding, all the males—including the octopus—were driven out of the room.

The three girls inside exchanged a smile.

“Without any idiots around, the air really is much fresher,” Takeko Okakura remarked, then realized—wait, Otae, one of them is actually your brother!

Shinpachi, could it be you were adopted?

Author’s note: Haha, I’m so happy! So many dear readers showed up last chapter. Sorry for the late update today—got caught up binge-watching dramas (smack). But I still managed to update daily, haha.

Thank you to Xin for the landmine toss—I was so happy to see it before bed, I’ll have sweet dreams tonight~

Mo Qi tossed a landmine at 21:54:30 on May 24, 2014.

Goodnight, dear readers. Sorry for always updating so late—tomorrow I’ll update earlier!