Chapter 42: Silver Soul (Earth Arc)

"Um, Miss Okakura, why did you come to this cross-dresser bar?" Shinpachi asked hesitantly.

"That's because..." Okakura was about to answer when Gintoki interrupted.

"Isn't it obvious? She must be interested in cross-dressers. After all, apart from what's below, she's got nothing up top that's remotely masculine—"

A dagger whizzed past his ear and buried itself deep in the wall.

"My hand slipped. Just a bit more and I would have hit the target," Okakura Take smiled.

"Are you trying to kill me?!" Gintoki roared.

Ignoring the silver-haired fool, Okakura Take began to explain her reason for coming to the cross-dresser bar.

"So those monsters haven't been completely wiped out, huh, Gin-san?" Shinpachi said, turning to Gintoki after hearing her out.

"Yeah, those worm-like things are a real pain. I still remember that fight—my 'you-know-what' was swollen for days," Gintoki said, staring at his lower half.

"That's because you peed on them!" Shinpachi retorted.

"How disgraceful, Gintoki. What's the difference between someone who urinates wherever they please and an animal?" Katsura said, arms crossed, with contempt.

"Shut up. You dare say that? I only pee, but you poop anywhere. You're at a higher level than me," Gintoki said, picking his nose.

"Honestly, you're all idiots. Please have some human dignity!" Shinpachi exclaimed.

Urinating in public... it seems she did that during those days running naked on that monster planet... Okakura Take hurriedly cut short her recollection. Best to bury those days of lost decorum deep in memory.

"Anyway, I wanted to ask you, Gin-san—do you have any clues you can share?" Okakura Take asked.

"Clues? No idea," Gintoki replied.

"Maybe we can help you ask around, Miss Okakura," Shinpachi suggested.

"Oh? Sure, thank you, Shinpachi. As expected, the plainer someone looks, the kinder they are," Okakura Take said, patting Shinpachi's shoulder.

"…Thanks, but somehow that doesn't sound very comfortable," Shinpachi replied, his glasses glinting.

Finally, with the help of Katsura and Lady Saigo, every cross-dresser in the bar stood before Okakura Take.

"Miss, all our girls are here. They're all good kids. Don't go suspecting us," Lady Saigo said, forcing a slightly terrifying smile.

"…Don't worry, Lady Saigo. I just want to ask about the victim, nothing more. After sitting here for a while, I realized everyone is truly adorable girls, and you're very beautiful too, Lady Saigo," Okakura Take replied with a smile.

Why?! Why is she getting so smooth at saying things like this?

"Very good, hahaha, you have a keen eye. Ask away," Lady Saigo said, laughing heartily as she patted Okakura Take's shoulder.

"Gin-san, I think it's amazing Miss Okakura can smile at those monsters and say things like this," Shinpachi said, twitching his mouth.

"That's what officials are like—no matter how filthy their thoughts, their mouths drip honey. Truly terrifying," the little curly-haired one said, shrugging.

"Hey, look, this is the lipstick I bought today. How is the color?" Lady Saigo asked, applying it.

"Ah, it's very pretty. Really brings out your sexy lips," the little curly-haired one replied, winking and fawning.

"…" Shinpachi.

Actually, you're the one with the filthy mind!

Okakura Take stood before the crowd of cross-dressers, watching them wriggle bashfully. She felt the urge to abandon this case entirely.

Suddenly, among the wriggling crowd, she spotted someone familiar—a cross-dresser wearing a green wig, waving a handkerchief and chatting.

Okakura Take approached and tentatively asked, "Unamoto Uncle?"

The cross-dresser in the green wig turned back in shock, "Oh, miss, how did you know my original name?"

It was him! Why are all the former Joui rebels becoming cross-dressers?!

"It's me, Okakura Take. Do you remember me, uncle?"

"Okakura! It's you!" Unamoto rushed over, embracing Okakura Take. "I can't believe you're still alive! Wait, where did you get your plastic surgery? I can't even tell you used to be a man—it's perfect! Introduce me to your doctor!"

"…No, I was born a woman," Okakura Take replied, twitching her mouth.

"Unamoto Uncle, do you know this person?" Okakura Take asked, pulling out a photo—of the deceased.

The man in the photo wore a traditional topknot, had a slightly square face, and looked like the sort who would be considered a good person.

"That's Mr. Honsho!" Unamoto exclaimed.

"You know him, Unamoto Uncle?" Okakura Take asked.

"Yeah, he came here every night. But he hasn't been around these past couple days. We were just wondering what happened to him… I can't believe…" Unamoto trailed off, crestfallen.

"The culprit is a monster who can disguise itself as human. Do you have any clues, Unamoto Uncle?"

"I don't know. Honsho wasn't a regular of mine; he usually requested Squidko. Let me go get her," Unamoto said, waving to a cross-dresser in a pink wig across the bar. "Squidko, come here, I have something to ask you!"

Squidko blinked in confusion and walked over. "What's up, Triangle Panties?"

Triangle Panties! Uncle, is that your pseudonym here? Why is your name so… different?

"Squidko, I have something to tell you." Triangle Panties (wait!) bit his lip and began to cry.

Say it already, Triangle Panties!

"Triangle Panties, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Squidko panicked.

Triangle Panties threw himself into Squidko's arms, showing her the photo. "Squidko, Mr. Honsho is dead!"

Squidko stared at the photo, stunned. "No… no way. Mr. Honsho… he said he wanted to give me a home… why did that bastard die like this…" Squidko hugged the photo, squatting down and crying, her makeup smudged, making her look even more terrifying, though her eyes were full of sorrow.

Gintoki appeared beside Okakura Take, silently watching the crying Squidko, lost in thought.

"Squidko…" The other cross-dressers, seeing Squidko cry, couldn't help but cry themselves. After wiping their tears with handkerchiefs, they hurried to comfort her.

"Squidko, don't cry. No matter how much you cry, he won't come back," Triangle Panties (….) consoled her.

Suddenly, Squidko grabbed his shoulders, raising her face in a fierce snarl, "Who killed him?!"

Staring at the makeup-smeared, ghostly Squidko, Triangle Panties swallowed hard, "No clues about the killer yet…" He pointed to Okakura Take, "But this lady is investigating the case."

Squidko rushed over to Okakura Take, her face contorted, "Miss, do you have any clues? Tell me who killed him—I'll go kill them myself! Damn it, whoever hurt my man is dead!"

"…" Okakura Take, stunned by Squidko's ferocity, replied, "Please calm down. The only clue so far is that Mr. Honsho was killed by a monster…"

"Monster! Good, after killing it, I can eat it! When I was a Joui rebel, I ate plenty of monsters—come on—" Before finishing, Squidko rolled her eyes and collapsed. Lady Saigo withdrew her hand behind Squidko.

Triangle Panties and Higashi Mei hurried to help Squidko up.

"Mom, you were too rough," Higashi Mei said, worried.

"Hmph, had to calm this fool down," Lady Saigo turned to Okakura Take. "Tell me exactly what happened."

"Lady Saigo…"

"We cross-dressers are fiercely protective. Anyone who tries to take away what's ours will be torn apart by all of us!" Lady Saigo crushed the wine bottle in her hand, exuding a powerful aura.

So strong! This woman!

Suddenly, a glass of wine was placed on the table—Gintoki's doing.

"Calm down. You're acting more like a real monster right now," Gintoki said lazily.

"Lady Saigo, we'll help you find the murderer who killed Squidko's lover. Don't worry," Katsura chimed in, sitting down.

"Hmph, two braggarts," she said, but it was clear Lady Saigo had calmed down.

Some things never change in these two, Okakura Take thought.

"Lady Saigo, everyone, this is where Mr. Honsho was killed," Okakura Take said, laying out a map on the table.

A spot was circled in red.

"Oh, Gin-san, that's pretty close to where we live," Shinpachi said in surprise.

"Didn't expect the monsters to be hiding nearby. Creepy to think about," Gintoki said, narrowing his eyes.

"So far, the monster has killed five people, including Mr. Honsho." Okakura Take placed photos of the other victims on the table.

"Gintoki, look, one of these victims has naturally curly silver hair like yours," Katsura pointed at a photo.

"Katsura, you need an eye exam. That guy looks fifty or sixty—it's white hair, not silver."

"It's not Katsura; it's Katsura. Actually, Gintoki, your silver hair in the manga is pretty much white anyway, so there's no difference."

"Yeah, I think it's because the gorilla poured so much ink on you that your IQ got wiped out."

"It's not Katsura, it's Katsura! Gintoki, you should apologize to all the black-haired characters in this manga!"

"Ah, Gin-san, Katsura, please stop fighting," Shinpachi interjected, but it didn't seem to work.

"Gintoki, you've always envied my straight black hair, haven't you? I know you've wanted it, hahaha," Katsura said, arms crossed, laughing.

"Hah? Who wants your dumb haircut? Looks just like a wig," the little curly-haired one said, pushing up his kimono sleeve.

"Shut up, both of you!"

Two large hands pinned Katsura and the little curly-haired one to the table, which cracked in half with a loud snap.

After dispatching the two fools, Lady Saigo clapped her hands and turned to Okakura Take. "Alright, miss, please continue."

"…Ah, yes." Okakura Take pulled her gaze away from the two idiots and continued.

"The victims all share a common trait: they are men aged forty to sixty, and they liked to drink at taverns after work, sometimes staying out until midnight. That's how they encountered the monster."

"What kind of monster is it, Miss Okakura?" Shinpachi asked.

"I don't know yet. No clues about the monster so far."

"Looks like we'll have to lure it out," Lady Saigo said, stroking her chin.

"?" Okakura Take and Shinpachi.