Chapter Eighty-Nine: Is the Baby Really Gone?

When Little Cloud and the others saw my dazed, brokenhearted state, they grew strange when I returned to the Guardian Cat’s nest and even had to look for a place to sleep.

But after everything I had just been through, I could not make sense of what else I could possibly do.

What else was there besides sleeping? Only sleep could make me forget what had happened before. Only sleep might let all of this dissolve into a dream, until it became something that no longer existed.

My head kept buzzing. I did not even know what was inside it anymore; all my thoughts had simply tangled themselves into a mess.

It did not last long, not until I had shifted into my cat form and curled up in the little dinosaur nest I had not seen for so long.

I slept deeply. In the dream there was chaos, a jumble of everything and anything. By the time I opened my eyes again, the corners of them were wet.

I had not slept soundly, and when I opened my eyes I had not been moved anywhere else.

I was still in the cat nest.

Little Cloud stood before me with the new kitten, Xuanxuan.

Seeing them, I put on an unconcerned face and lazily greeted them as if nothing were wrong.

“Are you all right?” Little Cloud asked, her voice trembling.

“I’m fine.” I smiled and sat up.

In truth, I was not fine at all.

Anyone could tell I was not myself, and so their expressions were unlike their usual ones as well.

“Um... about... about your matter... I... I looked into it...” Little Cloud stammered, her voice so small it was almost a whisper.

“And what of it?”

“The underpants thing...”

“Heh...” I let out a cold laugh, suddenly at a loss for words, and almost felt like crying.

This was not about underpants at all. If it had only been about underpants, I could have apologized straightforwardly.

But this time, he had given me no chance whatsoever.

I was just a toy, then? Fine if I did not bear him children. Why should I have to?

“Master is so imposing that no kitten has ever lived in his room. And now everyone knows the two of you are not exactly on ordinary terms. Why are you still throwing a tantrum?”

Listening to Little Cloud made my irritation rise from the bottom of my heart.

“I am not throwing a tantrum. To tell you the truth, we argued. No—argued is not the right word. We parted ways peacefully. From now on, we have nothing to do with each other.”

“Huh?” Little Cloud lifted a paw and scratched at her ear, unable to follow.

“He said I never need to go back there again. I can just keep doing my duty as the Guardian Cat.”

“Uh...” Little Cloud froze again. “Listen, about the underpants, it was like this... not...”

“You do not need to say any more.” I rolled over again and lay back down. “I do not want to hear it.”

At the time, my whole head was buzzing. How could I possibly have the mind to listen to her talk about underpants?

That matter had already passed, and it had caused me no harm, so I truly did not want to hear any more about it.

“No, no, you have to hear it,” Little Cloud insisted. She began, stubbornly, “That day...”

Then I heard from Little Cloud the whole story of the underpants incident.

In truth, it was not really the whole story, only everything Little Cloud knew.

And it made me start to wonder: how had the underpants gone missing in the first place? And how had they come back?

It still began with my return to the Rift with my little bundle on my back. I must have lost the underpants then.

Yet those underpants turned up in Fish Treasure’s room.

Fish Treasure felt that, being male, and with Forget River being such a jealous sort, he should not get too close himself. So he found a way to tell the new kitten about what had happened between us, and then had the new kitten bring the underpants to me.

The new kitten was very obedient. She carried the underpants off at once, only to run into Forget River halfway there.

I thought it must have been that dog-nosed fool. He must have smelled my scent from far away and grown curious, and then he found Xuanxuan, stopped her, and asked why she had my underpants.

Xuanxuan, naturally afraid in front of her master, spilled everything under Forget River’s questioning.

And so Forget River learned that Fish Treasure and I had once gone to the human world.

Actually, Forget River should have known long ago, but he had not come to punish me. Perhaps the scent had been too faint. Knowing full well that I had not had any deep contact with Han Mingxuan, he had not pursued the matter, and had not been angry.

Yet he had not expected that my underpants would carry the scent of a dreadful ghost from the netherworld—the scent of Youluo.

That was why Forget River had been so furious. Last time I went to see Han Mingxuan, Han had trapped me beneath a blaze-covered dome, and that was why Youluo’s scent had vanished. Forget River knew about that.

I thought Forget River must have taken the matter the wrong way, believing that I had first gone to see Youluo and then returned to Han Mingxuan to wash away the scent.

That way, I would not need to have more contact with Han Mingxuan, and I would also avoid letting Forget River discover that I had been tainted by Youluo.

That was my deduction.

I thought it was perfect. The only flaw was this: why had those underpants appeared in Fish Treasure’s room?

Had Fish Treasure taken my underpants?

Impossible. What would Fish Treasure want with that sort of thing? Even if there were some male pervert who liked such a thing, Fish Treasure would not.

Besides, Fish Treasure had Xiao Mi, and he was busy catching souls. He would never do anything so boring.

I had never been to Fish Treasure’s room, so it was impossible that I had left them there.

Afterward I went to Fish Treasure and asked him about it. Fish Treasure said, with absolute certainty, that they had been right by his door, and because he had seen them that day, he knew they were mine.

Fish Treasure said he regretted it a little. He should have just thrown them away. Instead, on some whim, he had tried to send them back, and that had caused trouble.

I laughed then. Whether they had been thrown into some corner of the Rift or not, I thought Forget River would still have found out in the end.

It was only a matter of time. I had never gone to Fish Treasure’s door, and the underpants could not possibly have grown legs, gone looking for Youluo, and come back on their own.

So this had to have been done by someone with intent. As for who it was, I could not say, and I could not even guess.

Afterward I returned to the nest and lay there thinking for a long time, yet I still could not figure out what had truly happened.

But among the few people in the Rift with any grudge against me, one was already suffering the punishment of rot in the forest.

The other, although we had cut off all ties a few days ago under my plea, was still the one I suspected most.

I suddenly wanted to sigh.

No wonder Forget River had not forgiven Rebecca for so long, and had even ignored her when she stood at the door for ages.

Because now the whole matter lay right before my eyes, and the first person I suspected was Rebecca.

Perhaps the reason he never forgave Rebecca was that once a person had betrayed you before, then in the end, whenever anything happened, that person would be the first you suspected.

The one I suspected most now was Rebecca, even though I had not seen her in a long time.

I thought that if this matter really had something to do with Rebecca, I would regret it terribly.

I would regret having once spoken in front of Forget River about forgiving Rebecca, and having made Forget River let Rebecca go.

I had thought there could be such a thing as burying the hatchet, but I had never imagined that, in the end, the truth would still have to wait to be revealed.

If this truly had been Rebecca’s doing, I might never forgive her.

No. Whoever did this, I would never forgive them.

If there had been no underpants, Forget River would never have come back to quarrel with me.

And if we had not quarreled, I would never have learned that I had a little cub.

I would not have said those chaotic things in such a chaotic state, and in the end provoked that ferocious beast.

After lying there for a long while, I finally understood. This really was my fault.

First, I had not made clear whether the man standing beside me at the time was truly human.

The mind of an animal is always so strange. Even now, I still could not accept it.

I would rather tell myself that I had never been pregnant at all. Otherwise, how could a touch of his hand make the child vanish?

But that sensation of something slipping away had been far too clear, so clear that I had instantly thought, The child is gone!

Did Forget River really kill the child in my belly?

He was the child’s own father. Why would he do such a thing? Did he not feel heartache?

I lay in the nest, wallowing in self-pity, one paw resting over my belly.

When the pain is truly sharp, one does not cry out loud. There is only the mind whirling in circles, weighing cause and effect, while tears fall without a sound.

Yet I also remembered that it had been me who had said I did not want this baby.

Forget River’s smile had been so empty, and he had clearly been hurting as well.

He had asked me several times, each question so grave that he must have been serious, and I had not even realized that he was truly asking me something.

I had even stubbornly given that heartless answer, and in the end, it had borne bitter fruit.

I clenched my teeth and thought to myself that if I ever found out who had done this...

Even if I died, I would fight them to the end.