Volume Two, Chapter Thirteen: Tears Once More

Although the glowing orbs above everyone’s heads had not diminished in size, and their stamina had not recovered in the least—remaining exactly as it had been on the fifth level—still, having arrived at the fourth level and moved a little farther from the tower’s pinnacle, everyone’s spirits lifted, almost in spite of themselves.

“Let’s keep going down!”

“Let’s rest a bit!”

“What’s there to rest for?”

“There’s bound to be another guardian general!”

“Not necessarily, is there?”

As everyone chattered away, Bing had already fastened the black thread around his left arm, fully intending to continue downward. He detached the divine iron from his belt and transformed it into a large axe.

Bing glanced at Master Tai Miao, who gave a slight nod. Turning, he swung the axe forcefully at the stairway entrance. Sure enough, another thunderous boom echoed out.

“Be careful!” called out Fatty Girl nervously as Bing put his foot forward.

A flash of golden light, and another general in golden helmet and armor appeared before Bing. The same distinctive mustache, the same beady eyes swirling restlessly.

“Chiwu!” Bing exclaimed, so surprised his jaw nearly dropped.

“What Chiwu?! I am He Si, the Guardian General of the Tower!” The general brandished his golden spear, clearly offended.

“But you look just like Chiwu!” Bing couldn’t help but give him a once-over.

“What do you mean? I’m much more spirited than my brother!” He Si boasted, flicking his mustache with pride.

“Oh… well…” Bing was at a loss for words.

“So, you’re the one who stuffed my fifth brother until he burst?” He Si frowned and asked.

“What? Is he alright?”

“What could be wrong! He’s just uncomfortably stuffed, groaning in bed!” He Si stared hungrily at the divine iron in Bing’s hand. “Mind if I have a feel?”

“Careful!” Hanyu shouted immediately.

“Go ahead!” Bing generously handed over the great axe. Everyone’s hearts skipped a beat.

“On second thought, perhaps not,” Master Tai Miao interjected.

“You’re right, you’re right!” He Si looked at her, then reluctantly withdrew his hand.

“Chubby, how do you want to compete?” He Si glared at Bing.

“Me?”

“Still eating! Whoever explodes first loses!” Meiniang shouted at once.

“Hey, you little vixen, you’re begging me to deal with you first!” He Si threatened, raising his spear toward Meiniang.

“Let’s just have the meatballs!” Bing quickly stepped between them. He had been feeling a bit sick of them earlier, but now he was hungry again.

“You think I’m stupid?! Not another eating contest—let’s drink instead!” He Si’s eyes sparkled with cunning.

“I can’t drink alcohol!” Bing admitted honestly.

“Who says anything about alcohol? We’ll drink tea!” Before he finished speaking, He Si put away his spear and produced two teapots.

“Alright!” Bing replied cheerfully. No matter if it was some fiery concoction again, he was ready to take the risk.

“Heh heh, very well!” He Si chortled mischievously and handed over a teapot.

Bing hurried to take it and was surprised by its weight—a small pot of tea shouldn’t be this heavy. Apprehension crept into his heart. Indeed, after just a dozen sips, he sensed something was off—the water in the pot didn’t seem to be going down at all. He glanced at He Si, who was sipping leisurely at his own.

“His pot must be empty!” Meiniang said suspiciously.

“Yeah, maybe he’s just pretending to drink!” Hanyu chimed in sarcastically.

“Hmph! What kind of guardian general is that?” Meiniang scoffed.

He Si rolled his eyes furiously, pulling the spout from his mouth so everyone could see the tea actually flowing into him.

Time passed as swiftly as incense burning; Bing and He Si continued drinking without pause, everyone watching with mouths agape.

“Hey, ugh… are you okay?” He Si hiccuped, staring at Bing in fear.

“I’m fine! I felt bloated at first, but now I feel nothing at all—on the contrary, quite refreshed!” Bing paused to answer.

“Hey, Fourth Guardian, you haven’t said how we’re deciding the winner!” Hanyu couldn’t help asking.

“Finish it all!” He Si ground out through clenched teeth.

Another interval passed. He Si was clearly reaching his limit, the angle of his teapot dropping lower and lower, the flow of tea into his mouth slowing to a trickle. Bing was struggling too, but not because he couldn’t drink more—it was just getting inconvenient. He tugged at his belt instinctively.

“Hey! Don’t you dare pee!” He Si exclaimed, frightened, and quickly put his teapot down.

“No, no, just loosening up!” As Bing spoke, his chest suddenly began to glow.

“Tears!” Fatty Girl cried out.

Bing finally understood—no wonder he no longer felt bloated; the tears were shielding him again. His uncle had mentioned the benefits, and now he realized this was surely among them.

“Alright, alright, stop glowing!” He Si leaped aside, and the light vanished at once.

“Ah, this must be fate!” He Si looked up at Master Tai Miao. “Now you know how to combine the six, don’t you!”

She nodded hastily.

“Chubby, do you know what this pot contains?” He Si didn’t wait for Bing to answer. “It’s filled with water from the five lakes, four seas, and three rivers!” Everyone drew a sharp breath.

“No wonder it never runs out!” Bing rubbed his belly—he wasn’t completely unstuffed.

“Most people would have burst long ago! That thing is saving you!” He Si pointed at Bing’s chest.

“Yes, and these five hell lotus seeds owe it thanks as well!” Bing glanced at the five hell lotus seeds still spinning at his waist.

“With that thing, I can’t win! Farewell, Chubby!” Before his words had faded, He Si disappeared.

“Farewell?” Cheng Yan repeated with excitement.

“It seems we’ll make it out after all!” Hong Kun and Jin Guishan exchanged grins.

“Master, let’s keep going down!” Bing promptly turned to seek permission. Tai Miao smiled and nodded.

As expected, just as they set foot on the stairs from the third to the second floor, another golden-armored general appeared. There was no need to ask; they must be twins.

“General, may I ask your esteemed name?” Bing took the initiative.

“I am Pu San, Guardian General of the Tower!” This general was obviously steadier, though his little mustache bounced with every word.

“No way!” Meiniang suddenly cried out, earning a glare from Pu San.

“What is it?” Hanyu asked, confused. Meiniang hurried to whisper in her ear, making Hanyu blush bright red.

“What’s the contest?” Bing quickly put the axe away.

“No contest! Bing, let’s not compete! This so-called guardian general is nothing but a demon!” Hanyu suddenly dashed over.

“I won’t compete either! You take my place!” Pu San pointed his spear at Hanyu, who was stunned.

“What?” Meiniang cried out.

“One, two, three…” Pu San ignored her, tapping Meiniang, Fatty Girl, pausing at Tai Miao, then finally selecting Cheng Yan and Mo Yan.

“Four, five! Now, I’ll make them into five identical beauties. You’ll have to pick the rabbit from among them!” Pu San grinned.

“And then?” Meiniang asked anxiously.

“That’s it! Guess right, you go down. Guess wrong, you go back!” Pu San shook his head at her mockingly. Meiniang hastily shielded her face with her fox tail.

“But…” Bing looked helplessly at Hanyu, who looked just as helplessly back at him.

“No buts! Begin! No turning around, no peeking!” Pu San waved his golden spear, and a black cloth fell over Bing’s eyes.

He then lined up Hanyu and the others. Seeing Mo Yan too limp to stand, he tapped her glowing orb, which immediately shrank, and she stood tall.

“Wow, General, you’re amazing!” Mo Yan cried.

“Heh heh, easy as pie!” Pu San was pleased.

“Indeed! With that, my cultivation has returned quite a bit!” Mo Yan said sincerely.

“Not at all! But you must practice as well as cultivate!”

“You can tell that?”

“Of course! You’re the weakest here! Cultivation requires both practice and enlightenment!”

“Oh… but I…”

“Hey! Are you two done yet?” Hanyu interjected, unable to bear it.

“Hmph!” Pu San realized he’d overstepped and quickly waved his hands at Hanyu.

In an instant, they all became five identical beauties. Their skin was snowy, eyes limpid as water, lips like fire; clad in pink smoke-blossom blouses and pleated skirts, with gauzy pink veils over their shoulders. Bathed in golden light, they looked like goddesses descended to earth.

“Magnificent!” Pu San admired them like an artist his masterpiece.

“They’re still…” Meiniang was about to speak, but Pu San silenced them with a gentle blow, sealing their lips and rendering them motionless.

With a wave, Pu San raised a white curtain in midair, shielding Bing’s view. He then rapidly shuffled their positions with another flourish. Only then did he remove Bing’s blindfold.

“All set!” Pu San turned Bing around.

“So?” Bing rubbed his eyes.

“Tell me which one is the rabbit, and you win!” Pu San sounded excited. Bing now saw five pairs of delicate, pinkish feet peeking from under the curtain.

“Just by looking at their feet?” Bing stared at Pu San in disbelief.

“Exactly! The beauty of a lady starts with her feet!” Pu San replied, swallowing hard.

Bing said nothing, thinking, “This guy is even creepier than Carefree.”

His plan had been to start by finding the chubbiest one, then eliminate them one by one. But on close inspection, the five pairs of feet were all equally fair and tender, identical in size. He was at a complete loss.

“You can get closer!” Pu San urged, more anxious than Bing. Bing frowned and moved closer—damn, even their toenails were trimmed the same.

“You can even smell them!” Pu San suggested, salivating, as if the contest hardly mattered anymore. Bing nearly turned to slap him. Smelling was out of the question, but he needed a plan. Ideas churned through his mind.

“Touching is allowed too!” Pu San reached out himself, then quickly withdrew his hand.

That motion suddenly jogged Bing’s memory! He leaned in again, one pair, two pairs, three, four… Just as he was about to despair, he spotted a faint mark on the ankle of the fifth pair of feet!

“This is Hanyu! No, the rabbit!” Bing jumped up in triumph. Pu San froze.

“I’m certain! Let us through!” Bing started for the stairs.

“Wait!” Pu San blocked him, then grudgingly demanded, “I made them absolutely identical, even I can’t tell them apart. How did you do it?”

“Don’t tell him!” Hanyu shouted sharply.

“Oh!” Bing clamped his mouth shut.

“Not even a whisper?” Pu San pleaded.

“No!” Hanyu replied, grinding her teeth.

“Fine, fine, I won’t ask!” Pu San waved his hand in frustration, and the five women reverted to their original forms.

“What’s going on between you two?” Meiniang eyed Hanyu suspiciously.

“Nothing!” Hanyu’s rabbit face flushed.

“Nothing? He can recognize you just by your feet!” Meiniang’s tail bristled.

“I’m curious too!” Fatty Girl chimed in.

“Oh, let’s just get going!” Hanyu saw Master Tai Miao looking at her with keen interest.

“Master?! You too…” Hanyu drooped her ears in resignation. “Tell them, then.”

“Well, Hanyu was cultivating in Banyue Mound, but one day, I bit her,” Bing confessed, full of remorse.

“Hehe…” Pu San snickered lewdly.

“Hey, if you’re not going to say it, don’t say it!” Hanyu shot forward, bristling.

“This fat fool was always chasing rabbits in Banyue Mound! One day, while I was sleeping underground, he tunneled straight in and, before I could react, bit my foot! Brother Hong can vouch for this!”

“Oh? Oh yes, it’s true!” Hong Kun nodded.

“Alas, all my fault! I not only lamed her, but ruined her cultivation, denying her immortality!” Bing glanced at Hanyu in shame.

“Wow, you’re ruthless!” Mo Yan blurted out. Bing hung his big head.

“But what does that have to do with identifying her?” Pu San pressed.

“Yes, how?” Meiniang echoed.

“The tooth mark! You made them look identical, but the bite mark I left is still there!”

“Hahahaha, so that’s it! That’s it!” Pu San laughed wildly at the ceiling, then vanished into thin air.