One Third Remaining Chapter Forty-Seven The Sewer

The birds scattered, and a large head furtively poked out from the thicket. Its eyes darted around before Zhu Dachang turned back to the small, wiry figure behind him and whispered, “Third Brother, I don’t see any cops nearby. We’ve made it out!”

The smaller figure emerged, Hou San’s tightly knit brow gradually relaxing. “Something still doesn’t feel right. By rights, the crime we committed isn’t nearly serious enough for the police to chase after us like this. It’s not like we killed someone or set a fire…” He glanced down at the black duffel bag in Zhu Dachang’s hand and took a deep breath. “Whatever. Let’s just find a safe place to ditch this hot potato, otherwise we’ll be living in fear every day and won’t be able to sleep at night.”

Zhu Dachang followed behind, tilting his head with a simple-minded air. “Third Brother, why don’t we just toss it here in the woods? No one comes here, it’s hidden enough… And if we’re still worried, we can dig a hole and bury it. No one would ever find it…”

Hou San wagged his finger from side to side. “That’s why you’re still green—no experience, you need more practice! Haven’t you watched that hit TV drama lately, ‘The Carnivorous Sheep’? The opening scene is some fool digging a hole in the woods to bury something, and the police still found it in the end. The more sinister a place looks, the more attention it draws from the cops.”

Zhu Dachang nodded, not really understanding but impressed. “Then where can we throw it so no one will find it?”

“Listen up, Third Brother’s got a lesson for you today…” Hou San cleared his throat with exaggerated seriousness, swaying his hips as he walked out of the woods, shaking his head and saying, “Picking the right spot is an art. First, it has to be hidden, somewhere people rarely go. Second, it also needs to be ordinary—a place people pass by without paying attention…”

“You’re so wise, Third Brother,” Zhu Dachang said with confusion. “It’s too complicated—I’d never think of any of this.”

Hou San’s face was full of pride. “Of course! I’ve eaten more salt than you’ve had rice. Stick with me, you’ll learn plenty…” Suddenly, he remembered something and sighed in regret. “Damn, we left in such a rush, I forgot to bring that homemade shotgun…”

Zhu Dachang grinned, reached into his pants, fiddled for a moment, and pulled out a long object wrapped in tattered cloth from his right pant leg. “When you went in the back room for money, I stashed the shotgun away…”

Hou San’s eyes lit up. He felt the barrel, clicking his tongue in approval. “You’re finally getting the hang of it. Not bad, not bad! I’ll treat you to duck later! Hide it, quick,” he warned, glancing around nervously. “If anyone sees us, we’re done for. This is our secret weapon.”

“Mhm…” Zhu Dachang nodded obediently, tucking the shotgun back into his pants. He hesitated and said, “I don’t really care about eating duck, but could you give me five hundred yuan first, Third Brother?”

“I can, I brought all the money we got from the auto shop,” Hou San said in surprise. “But tell me, what do you need five hundred for? Don’t even care about duck?”

“My wife Cuihua called a few days ago—her sow caught swine fever and died,” Zhu Dachang said shyly. “You know, apart from growing a little grain, she relies on that sow to have piglets, raise them, and sell them for money. We definitely won’t make it back for New Year’s, so I want to send her five hundred so she can buy another piglet. She can raise it to be a new sow by next year. It’s my New Year’s gift for her…”

“Other people give roses or chocolates for New Year’s, and you’re giving a piglet, tsk tsk…” Hou San let out a heavy sigh, pulled out a thick wad of red bills, counted out five, hesitated, then added five more, stuffing them all into Zhu Dachang’s hand. “Five hundred is too stingy. If you really want a life with her, don’t be cheap. But I only have a bit over two thousand left. I didn’t take any extra from the auto shop, just our share… Need to save some to upgrade our gear.” He glanced at the money in Zhu Dachang’s hands, counted out ten, stuffed them back into his own pocket, and handed Zhu Dachang the rest. “Send her all the rest, too…”

Zhu Dachang froze for a moment, staring at the red bills in his hand. “Third Brother, that’s way more than a piglet costs…”

“You fool… Wire her five hundred for the piglet, and use the rest to buy her a few new clothes and mail them to her,” Hou San said, closing his eyes. “A woman marries for clothes and food. The New Year’s coming—give her new clothes and she’ll be happy all year. When you get back, she’ll jump right into your bed and stick by your side for life. That’s how I won over your sister-in-law.”

Zhu Dachang gaped. “Ohhh…” he breathed, staring at the money for a few seconds, then looked at Hou San’s jacket, its seams bursting open. He pulled out three bills, tucked them into Hou San’s pocket, and carefully stashed the rest in his own pants. “She doesn’t need that much for clothes. You should get a new jacket, too. You’ve worn this one for years—there are holes everywhere…”

“That’s fine. Keep three hundred just in case. No need for a new jacket—you think I can’t bear to buy a new one?” Hou San quietly dabbed at the corner of his eye, then wrapped his jacket tighter around himself as his voice grew low. “Your sister-in-law gave me this jacket. There’s only one like it in the whole world now. You can’t buy another.”

Zhu Dachang was amazed. “It’s been so many years. People say three years of sewing, three years of patching, and another three years of mending. Yours is way past that—it’s got history.”

Hou San let out a long breath, pulled himself together, and strode ahead with renewed vigor. “Enough talk! Let’s take care of business first. Afterward, we’ll go for drinks and roast duck!”

With that, they strolled along the edge of the woods, keeping an eye out for a suitable spot. But the farther they went, the more uneasy Hou San felt.

It wasn’t the surroundings or themselves that troubled him, but the presence of other people. Hou San had never imagined that such a remote, desolate place would have people—let alone those who danced in the square every evening.

Only now did Hou San realize the terrifying truth behind the viral saying on short video apps: “Aunties are everywhere.”

Some were grouped together, snapping selfies with raised scarves under trees, among the grass, even on branches…

Others stood in neat rows, swaying their hips to portable speakers, blinking, clapping, spinning in circles…

Hou San changed direction, moving away from the noise, ready to breathe easy and look for a place to ditch the duffel bag. But then he saw an old lady gracefully practicing tai chi by the roadside, with a white-haired old man beside her.

The old man cheerfully bumped his body against a tree trunk again and again, like striking a bell, and kept trying to chat up the lady. “Xiao Li, why don’t you come to my place for dinner tonight? My daughter-in-law made a big pot of ribs. Old Li’s braised pork is bad for you—raises your cholesterol…”

Taking a deep breath, Hou San pressed on, intending to ignore them, when a melodious singing voice startled him. He looked up.

An elderly woman in a cheongsam stood before a tripod-mounted phone, striking poses and wailing tunelessly, “You are my lover, a woman like a rose, with those burning lips, making me lose myself at midnight…”

Hou San’s eye twitched, especially when he heard the all-too-familiar catchphrase: “Family, don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe! And if you send a virtual jet, that’s even better—mwah!” At that moment, Hou San felt a pang of regret for all the nights he’d spent tipping streamers online.

Suddenly, as if sensing something, the singing auntie looked at Hou San and Zhu Dachang. After briefly meeting Hou San’s gaze, she took her phone off the tripod, whispered a few words, and started swiping on the screen, stopping her singing.

Frowning, Hou San pulled Zhu Dachang along, picking up the pace. After about ten more minutes, he glanced around and spotted a manhole with no cover. He hurried over, squatted down, studied it closely, and beckoned Zhu Dachang over. “This is it!”

Zhu Dachang brought the duffel bag, eyeing the dark hole doubtfully. “Third Brother, there are aunties everywhere—won’t it be easy for them to find it?”

“You don’t get it,” Hou San said, pointing at the manhole. “Exactly because there are so many aunties, but not a single footprint around here—what does that tell you?” He squinted, then answered himself. “It means no one ever pays attention to this sewer. It’s hidden, and no one will notice. Perfect! Quick, toss that hot potato down there!”

Zhu Dachang nodded like a pecking chick and promptly dropped the bag into the manhole. Three seconds later, there was a dull thud from below. He patted his hands and muttered, “This sewer’s deep…”

Hou San stretched lazily. “A weight off my chest—we’re finally free! A beautiful, happy new life awaits…” He tried to throw his arm around Zhu Dachang’s shoulder, came up short, and withdrew it awkwardly. With boisterous cheer, he said, “Come on, Third Brother’s taking you out on the town in Jiangnan tonight!”

“Weren’t we going for drinks and duck?”

“You can drink and eat duck in Jiangnan too—there are beauties of all kinds, everything you want, heh heh…”

After Hou San and Zhu Dachang left, the singing auntie emerged from behind a tree and walked over to the manhole. She held up her phone to film the darkness below. “Family, what did I tell you? Those two are the fools wanted in the news. I wonder what they just tossed into the sewer… Maybe it’s the jewels they stole… Today, Little Yingying’s going to reveal the secret for you all!”