Chapter Twenty-Two: Reckless Desire

Walking marriage is a custom of the Mosuo people, an ethnic minority group living in Yunnan and Sichuan. Except in rare cases where a family wishes to increase its labor force by marrying in a wife or husband, the Mosuo have no formal system of marriage. Walking marriage is a way for men and women, mutually attracted to one another, to maintain a relationship and raise children: the man visits the woman's household at night. Since the Mosuo society is matrilineal and women are the heads of the household, children born from these unions are raised in the mother's family. The biological father publicly acknowledges the child with a feast at the baby's one-month celebration, thus recognizing the blood relation and preventing incest between siblings who share a father. Men call their female lovers “Asha,” while women call their male lovers “Azhu.”

The Mosuo, often referred to as the "Kingdom of Daughters," are a people where women wield authority in all aspects of life. In the Mosuo language, walking marriage is called "Sese," meaning "coming and going." This vividly describes the nature of the relationship: night unions and morning departures, with no formal marital bond. Men only come to stay at the woman’s house during the night, returning to their own homes during the day for work and daily life. At nightfall, men use secret signals to tap at the woman’s door. The foundation of these relationships is affection; if love fades or personalities clash, either party can end the relationship at any time. Emotional freedom is high, and in matters of intimacy, women have the dominant say—should she stop opening the door for him, the walking marriage ends.

By day, men and women rarely spend time alone together; only during gatherings do they express their feelings through song and dance. If a man is drawn to a woman, he arranges to meet her during the day, then visits her “flower room” at midnight. The flower room is the private chamber of adult Mosuo women, separate from the grandmother’s house. Traditionally, the man rides a horse to the woman’s house, entering through the window rather than the front door, and hangs his hat or other signifying item outside the door to show that the two are meeting and others should not disturb them. Before dawn, he must leave—then, he may use the front door. If he leaves after sunrise or after the elders have awakened, it is considered impolite.

Walking marriage is a fundamental component of the matrilineal society. For adult men, it is a way to continue the family line, distinct from monogamy: they gather at dusk and part at dawn. There are two types of walking marriage among the Mosuo: one is “Azhu,” a form of cohabitation; the other is “Asha,” a non-cohabitation relationship.

Regardless of the type, there is a traditional ceremony called “Cangbala,” meaning worship of gods and ancestors, held in the woman’s home. It usually takes place in the evening, with no guests, no gifts, and no friends in attendance. The man’s family invites a witness to lead the suitor to the woman’s house; by this time, the young couple have already developed feelings for each other—there are no arranged matches or parental mandates. Once the mothers and maternal uncles approve, the man’s family places their gifts according to custom on the platform above the hearth and the altar in the main room, then offer respect to the ancestors, the hearth, and the elder women—maternal uncles, mothers, and sisters—before receiving their blessings. The gifts are distributed to seniors and juniors alike, each in their proper order.

The beloved “Asha” must be dressed in the finest Mosuo attire, from head to toe. The man receives a flower-patterned sash, skillfully woven by the woman herself from Mosuo hemp. The woman’s family never demands money or goods from the man’s family; for the Mosuo, love is equal, more important than anything, and mutual affection is the true foundation of walking marriage. Once the witness explains the proposal to the mother and maternal uncles, the relationship is acknowledged publicly. The ceremony is simple and frugal, completed in about an hour.

If you carefully observe the nighttime life of a Mosuo matrilineal household, you will notice certain rules. When someone knocks at the door at night—be he lover or guest—the maternal uncles never answer, nor do the women of the house. Only if the visitor calls out, identifying himself as an outsider, will the elders or children open the door.

In a household with many adult sisters, there may be several “Azhu” coming to visit, each with his own secret signal and way of expressing affection. If it is not her “Azhu,” the woman will not let him into her room. Only the correct signal opens her door. The main house, where elderly women and children sleep, is uninvolved in these affairs.

Here, there is no such thing as “the other woman,” no arranged marriages, no feudal mandates about following one’s husband. Men and women live separately, supporting themselves independently. This reality explains why among the Mosuo, there is no concept of divorce, widowhood, children without support, property inheritance issues, or homeless children. Their view of love and sexuality, as well as their moral code, are entirely distinct from those of other societies.

Within their clan, most “Asha” and “Azhu” treat each other with mutual respect and responsibility, though not in the explicit terms found in other cultures. In some villages and religious families, men are neither official husbands nor true fathers; duties toward wives and children are largely left aside. Throughout their lives, men come and go as they please, unburdened by obligations. If a girlfriend closes her door to him or if the man loses interest, the relationship dissolves without fanfare—a fleeting dream, a lingering mystery.

Here, sexual and economic relationships are not closely tied. Unions are free and consensual, and separation brings no disputes. Both parties are equally empowered, and neither family nor society interferes. If disputes arise, mothers and uncles mediate them.

People do not marry for economic security, nor does divorce threaten anyone’s survival. Even wealth is no guarantee of a stable union. The key to Mosuo walking marriage, whether “Asha” or “Azhu,” is affection. Thus, it is common for Mosuo men and women to change partners if love fades, especially before children are born. Once there are children, changing partners is not taken lightly.

As dusk falls, young women, unable to contain their excitement, anticipate the night’s arrivals, as lovers come and go through the darkness. Yet, not every woman is free to love anyone, nor can every man pursue whom he likes. Courtship unfolds during work, study, village visits, family gatherings, trade, and other daily activities. After developing mutual understanding, they exchange gifts—bracelets, necklaces, rings, watches, clothes—as tokens of love, known only to themselves and their mothers.

“Axiao” (not to be confused with “Asha”) is the mutual term used among the Mosuo of Lugu Lake for lovers who have a romantic relationship, and they refer to each other as “Xiaobo.” They may fall in love through labor, during festivals like mountain and lake pilgrimages, or through daily interactions, inspired by the other’s diligence, honesty, beauty, or lively character. To express the desire to become “Axiao,” the man usually offers gifts such as floral scarves or clothing. If the woman accepts, the relationship is established. A woman may also take the initiative, for example, by “stealing” a pen or handkerchief from the man, or giving him a self-embroidered sash or homemade food. If the man accepts, the relationship is confirmed.

Another tradition is that, before becoming “Axiao,” the man must ask a mediator to perform a local ritual called “Zuozuoga”—the exchange of gifts. The man brings clothes, sashes, shoes, tea, and other items to the woman's family, explaining his intent to her mother, who then consults her daughter. If she agrees, the mother accepts the gifts and reciprocates with handmade hemp pants and a sash.

When the man first visits his new “Axiao,” he is accompanied by a close male friend, bringing tea and sweets. The woman’s family warmly entertains them, and the tea and sweets are distributed among the villagers or kin, signaling that the woman now has an “Axiao.”

If, after some time, either party feels the relationship lacks harmony or affection, either may end it. If the man wishes to end it, he simply tells her “I won’t come anymore,” or stops visiting, and the engagement dissolves. If the woman wishes to end it, she may say so directly or refuse to let him into her flower room, making her intentions clear.

If, during the “Axiao” period, one discovers the other has found a new lover, it is customary to send a small bundle containing embers, chili, and chicken feathers as a warning or sign of breaking up. If the other party repents, an apology is made and the relationship can continue.

Most “Axiao” relationships are formed carefully and respectfully, so successful pairings are common. As feelings deepen, nighttime meetings grow more frequent, and some couples stay together for life. If a man is dishonest, lazy, or insincere, time reveals his shortcomings, and he will eventually be left behind.

The reality of walking marriage in Mosuo family structure is beyond modern imagination. The secret lies in the security of the matrilineal household—every member has a refuge and support. For adult men, the matrilineal home is the best place to live out their lives. Why wouldn’t they embrace this system? This is one reason why the custom of walking marriage endures.

While many peoples around the world remain primitive, walking marriage is unique to the Mosuo. Why “Axiao” walking marriage has survived the ages and persists at Lugu Lake remains a world-class mystery.

Scholars, both Chinese and foreign, have conducted extensive research, using various anthropological theories, but the mystery remains unsolved. The most detailed study was conducted by Mr. Zhan Yongxu and his colleagues in 1963, 1965, and 1976, surveying 964 women and 785 men in six villages along Lugu Lake and Yongning Plain—a total of 1,740 people. Of these, 1,285 (730 women and 555 men), or 73.5%, practiced “Axiao” walking marriage.

Zhan believed there were five reasons for its persistence: the Mosuo’s matrilineal society had not yet disintegrated and external influences were weak; social productivity remained low, with collective household ownership prevailing over individual property; women were still the main providers; traditional kinship bonds and concepts were deeply rooted; and the local chieftains did not oppose “Axiao” marriage.

While these explanations have merit, unanswered questions remain: Why are outside influences so weak? Why have some societies with even lower productivity adopted monogamy, while the Mosuo have not? Why do most Mosuo still prefer walking marriage to other forms? Many questions linger, making Mosuo marriage an enduring enigma.

The daughters of Lugu Lake are renowned for their beauty, strength, diligence, kindness, and profound affection. In their flower rooms, which belong to them alone, they weave their dreams and fulfill their true loves. They are unbound by ancient codes, free from loneliness, sorrow, or loss.

They do not covet what is not theirs; they are not slaves to money, material things, or power. Following their nature and the guidance of their hearts, they live, work, and love without worry on this magical land. In the light and shadow of the Mother Lake, they reveal their purest selves, singing and dancing with abandon at the most grand and joyous festival—the Mountain-Goddess Festival—immersed in the sweetness of life.

[Bonus: Mythical Secret Elixir] Legend has it that Mosuo men, to win the hearts of beautiful women and sustain long-lasting relationships, would seek from the clan chief the secret weapon of Mosuo men—Manlong Elixir. This magical potion, passed down through generations, not only makes a man strong and vigorous, but if drunk before a walking marriage encounter, it is said to endow him with extraordinary powers, making him unforgettable to his lover. At dawn’s parting, the woman becomes tender and alluring, while the man is revitalized and radiant.

(The above information is compiled from public sources as a brief introduction. With changing times, the walking marriage custom has also evolved. Those interested should visit Lugu Lake themselves—it will not disappoint.)

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To Chen Tianyu’s surprise, the middle-aged woman he’d met by the lake called as promised at dusk, saying she could arrange a meeting between him and Yiruo. This caught Chen Tianyu off guard. He could only confess the matter to Liu Zichen, who was at first startled but soon grinned mischievously.

“No wonder the great detective has eyes only for you. Now I understand completely.” She didn’t seem to mind, teasing him instead: “Let me dress you up tonight and make you the groom!”

Chen Tianyu gave a wry smile. “Don’t mock me just yet. I have a feeling this is more complicated than it looks. From my first impression, Yiruo doesn’t seem like a frivolous girl… Why would she so readily agree to meet a stranger?”

“Oh, come on, this is walking marriage country. Don’t flatter yourself!” Liu Zichen scoffed. “At most, it’s a fleeting romance.”

“Uh, is that really all there is to walking marriage?” Chen Tianyu frowned. “Something just doesn’t feel right to me.”

Liu Zichen snorted. “You want to, but you don’t dare. Some women look all prim and proper, but who knows what they’re like in private…” Her words betrayed a trace of involuntary disdain.

Chen Tianyu picked up on it immediately and quickly explained, “Zichen, don’t get me wrong. I have no such intentions… Even if it’s a walking marriage, do you really think I’d try it?”

“That’s not for sure—you say that now, but who knows if you can control yourself when you see a beautiful woman.” Liu Zichen’s eyes flashed with annoyance. “Are you a saint?”

Chen Tianyu scratched his head in embarrassment. “You’re being ridiculous. Don’t you know me by now?”

“And if I really wanted a walking marriage, would I discuss it with you first?” Chen Tianyu realized his emotional intelligence was failing him, as usual.

“Letting me know in advance, then making a mistake openly—isn’t that having it both ways?” Liu Zichen’s tone remained icy. She was, after all, a woman; her tolerance had its limits.

“This is nonsense. Fine, I’ll just refuse…” Chen Tianyu, feeling even more uneasy, suggested, “Why don’t we try to get to know He Jiping first? I have a feeling she’s the real key here.”

Liu Zichen gave him a sidelong glance. “Don’t tell me you’ve got your eye on He Jiping now?”

“You’re being absurd…” Chen Tianyu was at a loss, hastily calling to say today wasn’t convenient and asking to reschedule. The other party readily agreed, reminding him to make time for the meeting since it was hard to arrange. Chen Tianyu could only smile wryly and promise to keep the appointment at a suitable time.

After hanging up, Chen Tianyu sneaked a look at Zichen, only to find she’d already recovered her usual smile, her eyes even glinting with a hint of triumph.

“If I don’t watch you every second, you act like I don’t exist,” Liu Zichen huffed.

“Ahem, how could I?”

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Despite the minor friction, the two still attended the bonfire party as planned. Thankfully, the mysterious detective was nowhere to be seen. At least for now, it seemed he wasn’t specifically targeting them.

The performances were the same as ever, nothing particularly novel.

Watching the new tourists dance with abandon, Chen Tianyu realized he couldn’t let this opportunity slip by. After some thought, he decided to approach He Jiping himself. Liu Zichen didn’t object; she stared intently at the lead dancer onstage, lost in thought.

Chen Tianyu sighed inwardly, then strolled slowly to a corner of the audience, sitting down not far from the dark-skinned, large-eyed woman.

He Jiping acted as if she hadn’t noticed him, remaining motionless.

Chen Tianyu cleared his throat. “Miss He, what a coincidence.”

Perhaps it was the odd form of address, or perhaps she’d already sensed his presence, but He Jiping responded quickly. “Oh? Were you calling me?”

Chen Tianyu smiled without revealing her pretense. “It looks like you’re the only one left here.”

“Oh.” He Jiping replied indifferently, turning back to the performance.

“I’m not a teacher,” she said coldly. Though her eyes were fixed on the stage, the very distance in her demeanor gave Chen Tianyu a chance to study her up close. He noticed little, except for a beauty mark at the nape of her neck.

He smiled gently. “Then how should I address you?”

“As you like.” He Jiping had lost the warmth she’d displayed at Lashi Lake. “But everyone calls me Boss He.”

“Boss He?” Chen Tianyu chuckled. “You’re a woman, so maybe I should call you Boss Lady.”

“Makes no difference.”

After a moment’s thought, Chen Tianyu decided to be direct. “Boss Lady, I feel we’ve met before.”

He Jiping turned to him again, her gaze cold as a knife.

“We just met a few days ago—how could it be déjà vu?” she replied formally, apparently not grasping his meaning, but at least acknowledging she remembered him.

“No, you remind me of an old friend,” Chen Tianyu persisted.

He Jiping’s lips curled. “Is that how men like to strike up conversation?”

“I’m telling the truth, not trying to flirt,” Chen Tianyu said, touching his nose. “My friend’s name was Xiaoya—if I’m not mistaken, her full name was Chiya Ryoko.”

As expected, He Jiping’s face betrayed no reaction, as if she’d heard an unfamiliar name. The more she feigned ignorance, the more certain Chen Tianyu became.

Their eyes met for a moment.

He Jiping said coolly, “You wouldn’t believe me if I denied it, so you might as well treat me as your Xiaoya—I don’t care.”

Chen Tianyu nodded. “It doesn’t really matter. By the way, do you know why I’m here?”

He Jiping gave a nearly imperceptible shake of her head.

“To be honest, I came to the show yesterday, and though it wasn’t remarkable, I was interested in the lead dancer.”

“Oh, you’re bold,” He Jiping remarked suddenly.

Chen Tianyu realized she meant Liu Zichen. He smiled, unfazed. “She’s my girlfriend—one more won’t hurt.”

“You seem to know what I’ll say,” He Jiping pressed, unyielding.

“I know you well—we used to be friends.”

“But I don’t know you, even though you insist I’m your friend.” She frowned, which only enhanced her charm.

Chen Tianyu didn’t want to dwell on it. “Since you and Yiruo are always together, could you introduce us?”

“You even know her name?” He Jiping was surprised.

Chen Tianyu smiled. “Lugu Lake isn’t big. It’s not hard to find out, especially about such a striking young woman.”

“Oh…” He Jiping let it pass. “You really intend to meet Yiruo?”

“Yes. I’ve heard walking marriage is still practiced here, and Yiruo is Mosuo, isn’t she?” He spoke bluntly.

Sure enough, He Jiping burst out laughing.

She quickly regained composure, but couldn’t suppress her amusement—this man was truly fearless.

“I admire you. Do you know you’re talking to a girl?” she said, unable to contain herself.

“Well, you said you didn’t mind,” Chen Tianyu replied lightly. “So I can only be honest.”

“It doesn’t matter to me—it’s not my concern.” She paused. “But are you sure Yiruo will agree? Are you really that charming?”

“Uncertainty is half the fun,” said Chen Tianyu, raising his brows with a hint of challenge.

“Yiruo never lets strangers get close—you’re too arrogant!” He Jiping shot him a disdainful look.

Chen Tianyu replied with a grin, “I believe she keeps her distance, but now that I know you, we’ll soon be acquaintances…”

He Jiping was momentarily at a loss for words, finally warning, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you—passion can be dangerous. Don’t end up a victim.”

Chen Tianyu replied with a half-smile, “As I said, it doesn’t matter. I’d gladly risk everything for a remarkable woman.”

“So, it’s up to you—will you help with an introduction?”